Lisa St. John
Thinking about getting a swimming pool in my yard, I realized that I would be better off buying weapons. If society starts to erode further, I might even have to learn how to cook. That’s unacceptable. So, weapons it is. I’ve only shot a gun once, it was a handgun, and I never want to hold one again. The friend who had been trying to convince me to get gun training asked what was wrong. “You told me that no one should have a gun unless they are willing to use it. I’m not willing.”
I am not skilled in knife fighting, and I think knife-fighting must require a great deal of skill. I wonder if “How to Survive in a Post-Apocalyptic World Using a Knife” is on YouTube. I’m nervous about checking. Ditto for a bow and arrow. It would take too long to learn. Besides, my friend Jude uses a bow and arrow, so that box is checked off. I think homemade is best. I could fill a sock with change or old keys. That’s fairly close-up. How strong would the sock have to be? How long would it last? I could dig a moat.
I don’t think people would go rampaging through the rural area where I live, but I do worry about people just getting…meaner. Do they still sell mace? Rape whistles? I have a baseball bat by my bed. I don’t have a reason except that it’s fun to say, “I have a baseball bat by my bed” like I’m in a movie. What about a nail gun? Just like in Lethal Weapon 2, I could probably hold and shoot it like Danny Glover did in the movie. I wonder how much a range it has. How close would I have to be? I wonder how much they cost? Definitely less than a pool.
What about a squirt gun loaded with bleach (or something more toxic I can’t think of right now)? A portable blowtorch? How heavy would that be? What if I ran out of gas (or propane, or whatever)? Damn. What about losing electricity? My weapon will have to be solar powered if powered at all. No. Wildfire smoke is gumming up the sun right now.
I could chlorinate the moat! Anyone willing (and able) to swim across will be met by my baseball bat, sock of loose change, or (if they can cook) an offer to play Scrabble.